Don't Just Survive
by ahsfoxxay
Summary: foxxay prompt. Cordelia's Supreme. Misty doesn't die. They're married and have lots a kids. they don't notice that one of the older daughters is suicidal and depressed until its too late (maybe, you can decide). trigger warning deals with suicide.
1. Dont Just Survive

foxxay prompt. Cordelia's Supreme. Misty doesn't die. They're married and have lots a kids. they don't notice that one of the older daughters is suicidal and depressed until its too late (maybe, you can decide)

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Sara was ripped from her slumber by the all too familiar sound of her mother's insistent knocking. "Come on darlin, time to rise n shine," Misty hummed.

Sara groaned once before answering, "Mama can I just stay home? I don't feel well and I wouldn't be able to focus in classes." She just wanted to go back to sleep, the only place where everything was absolute. Misty slowly opened her daughters door, resting her hand on her hip while taking in the sight of her eldest daughter.

"hun, ya know i'm always one for takin a day off but ya stayed home twice last week. ya are missin too many classes. What's not feelin good?" Sara thought about the heaviness in her chest, pondering what illness to feign this time. If only it were that simple to label this feeling that had grasped ahold of her and threatened to never let go.

"I just have really bad cramps Mama, I swear after today I'll be good as new." Misty's face scrunched, unconvinced as she took graceful strides to her daughters bed; Sara's mattress creaking under the additional weight as her mother settled on the edge.

"Alright, but today is tha last day," Misty wrapped her arm around Sara, concern in her eyes, "Just make sure ya are a little more convincing for Mom." Misty teased playfully, the concern dissipating from her eyes as her normal light-hearted demeanor returned. "The things I do for ya kids." The swamp witch grinned as she placed a kiss to Sara's temple, and walked towards the open door. "Dee? Sara's gonna stay home today, she's got ragin cramps." Misty turned back shooting a playful look over her shoulder before shutting Sara's bedroom door. The young witch allowed a hint of a smile to play on her lips, her Mama had always had this lightness about her that seemed to bring joy to everyone, even to Sara if only for a moment. She closed her eyes, willing her body to go back to sleep to allow her mind a couple more hours of rest.

"Sara?" She could hear Cordelia call her from down the hall, heels clacking against the hardwood floor. Sara shut her eyes tight and rolled on her side pretending to sleep; She knew she couldn't slip past Cordelia as easy as Misty but she could try. "I know you're not sleeping Sara, your mother just told me you're staying home again?" Her agitation was clear in the way she spoke; Cordelia always had her hands full and this morning was no different than any other. The Supreme poked her head into her daughters room, "Sara you can't miss another class please get up honey, we are already running late."

Sara groaned as she lifted her head, "Mom, mama already said I could stay home and I don't feel good."

"Im not going to argue with you, it's not healthy to stay home this often. Get up and get dressed. Why do I have to fight with everyone to get up. First the twins, Myrtle and now you? Please Sara, this morning has already been-" Cordelia was cut off by the strong arms that wrapped around her.

"Dee, we gotta go, everyones all packed in tha car," Misty playfully kissed Cordelia's cheek, "Plus look at our little baby all sick, she's gotta stay home, Dr's orders." Cordelia sighed, her frustration melting from her features, they way the always did when Misty embraced her. The swamp witch could feel Delia's muscles relax and see the creases in her forehead steadily disappear, "Thatta girl, let's get goin, classes will have already started by tha time we get there. Feel better baby." Misty locked eyes with Sara, giving her a playful wink before leading Cordelia and herself out of the doorway.

"Sara, we are leaving and locking the door. See you later tonight, we love you." Cordelia called from the front door before shutting it.

Sara sighed as she listened to the car pull out of the drive way, relishing the fact that she was finally alone. She loved her parents, she really did but God they were oblivious. Part of her wanted her parents to see what she was going through but she couldn't tell them, there was no way she could begin to explain how she felt; Sara would suffer in silence. She peered at her phone, grumbling when she saw it was only 8 am. Knowing she wouldn't be able to sleep anymore, she begrudgingly climbed out of bed and padded down the hallway to the bathroom. Once in the bathroom, Sara rummage through the medicine cabinet until she found the bottle of sleeping pills. Her intentions were innocent as she popped two pills into her mouth to help her fall back asleep. It wasn't until Sara shut the medicine cabinet and was met with her own reflection that the darkness within her had awakened. "God I'm disgusting," She scoffed, taking in the shape of her body. She prodded around her stomach and grasped at hips to gather up the loose skin that lay there; Her mood sinking the longer the stared. _Digusting._ The word ricocheted around her mind as she continued to harshly pinch her stomach purposely leaving marks. Sara shook her head and broke eye contact with her reflection, repulsed by what she saw. Impulsively, she yanked open the medicine cabinet, pouring a handful of sleeping pills into her trembling hand. Sara just wanted to sleep; it was the only time she was at peace with her mind. Downing the pills in her hand, she placed the bottle back in the cabinet and walked off to her room. The young witch continued to tremble as she lay down; Sara knew she took more than she was supposed to but at this point she didn't care whether she woke up or not. She closed her eyes, allowing the haze of the pills to slowly take over before drifting off into a deep sleep.

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"Sara, we're home." Cordelia called up to her eldest daughter, alerting her of their arrival home. "Sara?" Cordelia walked up the stairs, her heart beating picking up speed as her motherly instincts kicked in. Sara awoke when her door swung open. _  
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"Uh Hey mom, what's up?" she managed, her head throbbing. _What time is it? How long had I been asleep?_

"Oh you scared me a little when you didn't reply when I called but I should've figured you'd be napping." Cordelia giggled sheepishly, embarrassed for getting so worked up over nothing. "You must've been tired then huh? napping even after getting to sleep in." The Supreme sat on the bed and ran her fingers through Sara's hair. "You look a little sick hun everything alright?"

"Yea, just tired."

"Alright, well we brought dinner home from the Academy if you're hungry and I'm sorry for yelling at this morning you know how worked up I get in the morning trying to get everyone ready." Cordelia spoke softly, unsure of her daughter's well being. "Listen, I've got to put the twins and Myrtle to bed but afterwards you, Mama, and I can hang and watch a movie, alright?" Cordelia planted a kiss on Sara's forehead, glancing back hesitantly at her daughter before leaving the room.

Sara slowly let out a deep breath, unable to comprehend how long she had slept; It was light when she fell asleep and now the sky was littered with stars. The young witch stumbled as she attempted to get up, her head pounding.

"Sara, Mom and I just put everybody to bed, ya wanna pick the movie?" Misty called from outside her room.

"No thanks Mama, you and Mom can pick but just let me shower first ok? Ill be down in a bit."

"Suit yourself but don't get mad when your mother picks a totally lame movie." Sara could hear Cordelia laugh at Misty's taunting as they descended down the steps and into the living room.

Cradling her head, Sara walked into the bathroom. She turned on the shower head, waiting for the water to get hot. Sara turned to grab a towel to lay out before she notice there were none in the rack."Shit". The young witch trotted down the stairs to ask her parents where the towels went but hung back around the corner when she heard her name. She peered around the corner, a clear view of her mother's sitting on the couch.

"Im really worried about Sara honey," Cordelia fretted, "She's been staying home and sleeping so often I feel like I barely see her."

"Aw Dee, ya worry too much if she's anything like her mother than Im sure she's fine."

"Which one?" the supreme inquired.

"Well tha better one..so obviously me," Misty teased lovingly. Cordelia giggled, her worries subsiding as she melted into Misty's touch. "Ya know who I feel like I barely see?" Delia shot Misty a questioning glance. "You." Misty wrapped her arms around her wife's neck drawing her into a deep kiss. Misty pulled away, admiring Cordelia's plump lips, "God, I miss it just bein me and you. I miss bein able to do this...," Misty slid her hands down to her lovers butt and grabbed it firmly, "whenever I want." Misty peppered Delia's neck with kisses as she continued to caress her bottom.

"Misty, not now," Cordelia scolded, a deep blush creeping across her face, "Sara will be down soon. But I do admit I miss when it was just us."

Sara ran back upstairs without getting a towel; an overwhelming sense of guilt creeping up on her. Seeing her mothers like that made her feel like such a burden. It was her fault that they couldn't spend as much time together. If she wasn't here, Cordelia would be laughing all the time instead of yelling. The young witch could feel the familiar weight in her chest begin to grow as she entered into the bathroom. _You really do fuck everything up don't you, Sara?_ She stared at her reflection, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. The pre-existing darkness within her swelled, feeding off of her self-loathing and growing in fervor. The anger, the hatred, and the sadness pulsed throughout her body; Her emotions were tendrils coiling up around her legs and threatening to drag her down into a black abyss. Sara closed her eyes, sinking into her sadness. In a way, it was oddly comforting, almost like being with an old friend after not seeing them for a while. _You know what you have to do. You're a burden and everyone will be better off without you._ _You saw how happy your parents were, when do they smile like that? Certainly not when they're with you. _Sobs racked her body as she accepted her fate; there was only one way out of this black hole. _  
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"Hey Mist, Sara said she was coming down right?"

"Ya where the heck is that girl? She's been showerin forever."

"I'm gonna go check on her, I'll be right back." Cordelia casually walked up the stairs, straining her ears to listen for the hum of the shower. Upon reaching the top of the steps, she strode over the to bathroom door and knocked. "Honey, are you alright in there? Save some water for the fish." The Supreme laughed at her own cliche joke quietly and waited for a response. "Sara?" no reply. Cordelia raised her voice and banged on the door again. She twisted the handle but to no avail; it was locked. Her heart thumped in her chest, "Sara open this damn door!" Misty heard her lovers distress and immediately wandered over to the stairs.

"What's goin on hun?"

"Misty get up here right now, Sara's not responding." Cordelia gasped for breath, nearly hyperventilating as Misty sprinted up the steps. The swamp witch could feel the Supremes power radiate through the air as Cordelia obliterated the door and burst into the bathroom. Cordelia's entire body trembled as she gasped and fell to her knees. "Oh god..oh god..oh god," she sobbed as her entire world came crashing down before her eyes. Sara was splayed on the ground, deep gashes on each wrist; the white tile of the bathroom transforming into a sickening pink as it mixed with her crimson blood. Cordelia couldn't handle the sight of her beloved daughter and she retched, her body crumpling and shaking violently. Misty grabbed Cordelia and pulled her away from Sara's body; no matter how badly she wanted to break down now she had to be strong for everyone. Misty took the Supreme's hands in her own and placed them over Sara.

"Listen baby, I need ya to focus," Misty spoke gently to Cordelia, tears streaming down her face, "We are gonna bring her back, we can bring her back ya just need to breath." Cordelia let out a whimper and shook her head in response. Both witches closed their eyes and placed their hands over Sara's chest. Misty spoke an incantation as her wife brought her face down to Sara's body; Cordelia breathed life into her daughter, her tears falling onto the young girls face. Sara sputtered to life, springing up and gasping for breath. Cordelia choked out tears, wrapping her arms around Sara while Misty placed kisses on her daughters matted hairline. At this moment, nothing else mattered. The severity of the situation had left room for nothing else except raw emotion. Wrapped in the arms of those who loved her most, Sara had no doubt she was not just going to survive; she was going to live.


	2. Find Salvation in the Little Things

foxxay prompt. Cordelia and Misty are now aware of how Sara is feeling, they try to help but somehow make it worse. Just when Sara is ready to try commit again, she finds salvation in one of her younger siblings.

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It had been three months now since Sara had tried to take her life and though things seemed to change, they couldn't be more the same.

"Hey Darlin' time to get up," Misty popped her head into her daughters bedroom, "Ya have therapy at 12 so ya might as well wake up now, yea?" Sara grumbled, it was like this every morning, her Mama would try and act like Sara wasn't on a strict schedule that dictated when she woke up and when she went to bed. It seemed as though Sara's whole life was turned into one giant schedule, wake up now, take your pills, go to therapy, take more pills, go to bed; She felt like a drone. "C'mon hun, up and at em your breakfast is downstairs and ya need to take your medication, it's almost ten." Sara sighed as she listened to her mama walk away from her room. She got up hastily knowing that if she wasn't down within the next ten minutes Cordelia would come to wake her up and everyday it got harder and harder to look at her mother. Cordelia seemed to be deteriorating, physically and emotionally. Pieces of her mother were lost that day in the bathroom and Sara deemed herself responsible and it killed her. Sara shook her head, willing those thoughts to disappear as she trotted down the steps to the kitchen.

"There ya are sleepy head," Misty greeted her daughter with a quick kiss on the head before gently pushing her towards the table, "start eatin' ya have to take your medicine by ten." Sara peered at the clock before taking a seat in between Myrtle and the twins, Stephen and Christie. Breakfast droned on as usual, littered with bickering between the twins and a playful yet stern intervention by Misty when things got too heated.

"Hey mama, where's mom?" Stephen asked, "She never comes down for breakfast anymore. I wanna show her my drawing of me n' Chrissie." Sara cringed at her brother's question, the guilt rising like bile in her throat. It was _her_ fault Cordelia was too tired to ever come down for breakfast.

Misty's mouth hovered open as she pondered a response, "Hun ya know mom wants to see ya drawin' but—"

"I'm right here honey," Cordelia called as she shuffled into the kitchen. The Supreme walked over to her wife, greeting her with a quick peck on the lips. The swamp witch wrapped her arms around her wife and pulled her close, attempting to speak privately in the full kitchen.

"How did ya sleep hun, ya look so tired maybe ya should just go back up to bed," Misty spoke in a hushed tone.

"I'm fine." Cordelia reassured her wife quietly before removing herself from Misty's arms. Misty watched her wife walk away, her eyebrows furrowed together and a concern expression splayed across her face. It was obvious that Cordelia hadn't slept well; the dark rings that hung under her eyes said that much. The Supreme walked over to the table, lifting up a squealing Stephen and putting him in her lap before sitting down. "Let's see that drawing you drew." Sara's eyes scanned her mother's frame and she felt sick. Cordelia had clearly lost weight, her cheekbones and collarbones protruding sickeningly. Sara's eyes flickered from Cordelia to Misty; the expression on Misty's facing was heartbreaking. The swamp witch knew her wife wasn't well. She had taken on most of the supreme's responsibilities at home and at the academy in an attempt to lighten the weight that plagued her lover.

Misty walked over to the table, leaning on the chair Cordelia was resting on and wrapping her arms around her wife and Stephen, "Hey baby, mom can look at the later, she's gotta get somethin to eat first."

"No Mist, I'm fine, really I'm not hungry." Misty looked at her wife, pleading with her eyes for Cordelia to eat something. Cordelia waved Misty off and picked Stephen off her lap and placed him back in his own chair. She walked around the table placing a loving kiss on the top of all of her children's heads, stopping over Sara and pulling her into an embrace through the chair, "How are you feeling Sar?"

Sara involuntarily shied away from her mother's touch. It was so hard to be near her mother when Sara knew she was hurting her. Everything that was wrong with her mother, Sara had caused. The guilt Cordelia felt from Sara's suicide attempt had taken over her life and it threatened to destroy her. Cordelia should've have seen something, how could she not? Her whole life she had been neglected by Fiona and now she was just as bad as her mother. "I'm okay thanks for asking, can you get my medicine I have to take it now." Sara spoke, her voice a little edgier and colder than she had intended.

Cordelia winced, clearly hurt by Sara's tone but regardless she retrieved her daughter's medicine and placed it in front of her with a glass of water. "Mommy, why don't we all have to take medicine like Sara?" Christie questioned innocently, her wild curls framing her face much like her mama's.

"Because honey," Cordelia smoothed over the curls she had grown to love years ago when she first saw them on Misty, " Sara's not feeling well and the medicine helps her feel all better."

Sara couldn't stop the anger the boiled within in her; it was a mixture of self hatred and guilt. _This is bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit why do we keep acting like everything's fucking okay when it's not. _"Or maybe because you're not a fucking fuck up like me." Sara added snidely as she pushed herself from the table. She grabbed her pills and began to storm out of the room when Cordelia got up, grasping onto her arm. "Don't fucking touch me," Sara spat, as she shoved her mother's arm away.

Cordelia flinched, her eyes widening and her mouth falling open; the hurt evident in the way the Supreme's lip trembled. Instinctively, Misty wrapped her arms around her wife protectively. Misty loved her children, she would do anything for them but Cordelia was her heart; without her, Misty's world ceased to exist. The swamp witch saw red and she couldn't stop herself, her raged fueled by her shaking wife in her arms. "Don'tcha ever talk to ya mother that way ever again. Get out right now. Don't even bother comin' back." Misty snarled, her voice barely above a whisper.

Sara stomped out of the kitchen stopping only to grab her keys. She slammed the front door behind her, attempting to ignore Cordelia's cries begging her to come back. Blinded by her tears, Sara stumbled to her car; she shoved the keys into the ignition and raced down to street, to where, she did not know.

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Sara ended up driving to a cliff near her house; one her mothers used to take her to for picnics when she was younger. She sat on the hood of the car and reached into her pockets finding her pills. Sara chucked them over the cliff, she hadn't been taking them away; She didn't like how they made her feel numb and clouded her mind. Checking her phone, she saw multiple missed calls, all from home. She cringed thinking of the way Mama spoke to her. Sara didn't blame her Mama though, it was her fault that Cordelia, the love of Misty's life, was crumbling. The young witch sat on the hood of her cars for hours, until the sky darkened and stars began to twinkle in the distance. There was no way she could return home, it would be better if she just stayed away. _It would be better if you disappeared altogether actually. _Sara covered her face, the empty feeling in her chest aching painfully; it was as if her heart was a sinkhole, pulling so strongly she felt she might collapse into herself and disappear. _You know what your family needs. Look what you've done to Cordelia, your own mother. Maybe if you got it right the first time this wouldn't have happened. You're so incompetent you can't even kill yourself correctly. _Sara slide off the hood of the car and into the drivers seat. "Fuck." She muttered, tears sliding down her face as she gripped the steering wheel, her knuckles white.

It was around 2 am when Sara pulled into the house, she let out a silent thank you when she saw all the lights were off. She needed everyone to be asleep this time; she couldn't afford to be interrupted. The young witch slipped into the house and crept up to her room soundlessly. Just as she was about to reach under her mattress to grab her hidden stash of pills, she saw her youngest sister Myrtle sitting on her bed. "Uhm Myr, what're you doing in my bed, shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I know what you're going to do Sara and you can't do it, you think it's bad now?" Sara was surprised momentarily before remembering her sister was a budding clairvoyant; Myrtle was simply reading Sara's thoughts back to her, she couldn't possibly understand the situation.

"You don't even understand what you're talking about Myrtle, stay out of it and go back to your room." Myrtle looked at Sara, a fierceness in her eyes uncharacteristic for someone of such a young age.

"No," Myrtle stated sharply, shoving her pudgy finger into her older sister's chest, "I don't think _you_ understand. If you kill yourself you will be destroying the life you have yet to live. You need to stop thinking about Mom and Mama because you can't do this for anyone but yourself. You need to live for you. It hurts, I know, but that's life. You can't just expect to get better. You have to want it and work for it and if anyone can do it, my older sister can." Myrtle was blubbering, tears flowing down her face while she practically screamed at her sister. " You can't give up now when you've made it this far, plus I _need_ you. I won't be able to grow up without you." Myrtle finally broke, unable to form words as she cried. Sara's mouth gaped open; She was completely taken aback by the ferocity by which her sister spoke. She wrapped Myrtle into a hug, pressing kisses to the top of her head. Sara knew she wasn't fixed and maybe she never would be, but she had to try. She had to live for moments like this, when the only heaviness she felt was the weight of her beloved sister's head on her shoulder.


	3. Don't Let This Consume You

foxxay/Sara prompt. Cordelia/Sara angst. Cordelia being so frail and unwell due to her guilt induced state. She and Sara get into a heated argument of some sort, something happens to Cordelia and Misty blames Sara.

It was late in the afternoon when Sara finished her classes at the academy, her posture slumped with exhaustion. It had been a particularly long day and the ache in the back of her skull was pounding steadily; she couldn't wait to get home and sleep. The witch offered amiable goodbyes to her classmates as she walked through the academy, rounding up her younger siblings for the ride home. The heaviness of her day lightening as small fingers entwined with her own; Myrtle had been so helpful to Sara these past months, constantly providing insight in a manner much like the witch she had been named after.

"You guys all ready to head home?" Sara asked, peering down at her brothers and sisters, "All we gotta do is stop at Mom's office and get Mama." Sara walked along the corridor, her siblings trailing behind obediently as she approached Cordelia's office and rapped on the door lightly.

"Come in," Misty called, her words ending in a breathy sigh. Sara poked her head in the door, frowning at the sight of her fatigued mother; Cordelia's absence evident in the mountains of paper work that towered over the swamp witch.

"You ready to go home Mama?" Sara questioned, despite the fact that she knew Misty would refuse. Every night this week, the swamp witch had stayed after to attempt to catch up on work and regardless of the extra time spent at the academy, she barely made a dent in the workload. Its times like these, when Sara could see the dark circles under Misty's eyes, that she couldn't help but get angry with Cordelia. The Supreme had basically disappeared and even when she was physically present, she was emotionally distant. Cordelia was drowning and no matter how hard Sara tugged against the currents she couldn't bring her mother back to shore.

The young witch was so swept up in her thoughts she barely heard Misty's refusal, "Sorry hun, ya know I got loads of work but I'll be home later. Can ya make dinner again tonight?"

"Of course Mama, but are you sure you don't want to come home now? You need a break."

Misty shook her head, "I'm fine. Don't worry bout me, just make sure ya mother has somethin' to eat, yeah?" Sara agreed reluctantly, her lips curling into a pitying smile; Misty was always putting Cordelia before herself and she was suffering because of it. Sara said goodnight to her mama, placing a kiss on her cheek before leaving her office.

"Ready to go guys? First one down to the car wins." Her younger siblings squealed with joy, running down to the car as if their life depended on it. Sara watched them enviously, wishing she could still posses their blissful ignorance. She glanced back once more at Cordelia's office, the image of a fatigued Misty burned into her mind as she decided she was going to have a talk with Cordelia when she got home.

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Sara pulled into the driveway, her mind racing as she imagined what she would say to her mother. She didn't want the kids to see them talking just incase things got heated so she decided upon talking to Cordelia after she put her siblings to bed. _  
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"So what do you guys want for dinner?" Sara questioned, unstrapping the twins from their car seats.

"Can we ask mom make her special mac n cheese, pleassseee?" Christie pouted her lips, asking more for her mother's presence than her mac n' cheese. Sara felt a pang in her heart, frowning gently as she reminded Christie that they couldn't bother Cordelia because she wasn't feeling well. No matter how many times Sara had to cover for her mother's absence, she never got used to it; the defeated expression on her siblings faces never failing to break her heart.

"I'll make something even better, don't you worry."

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"You guys behave and finish your veggies Stephen, Ill only be gone for a minute and they better be eaten by the time I get back," Sara ruffled her brothers hair affectionately as she walked by him; one hand tousling through waves of dirty blonde hair, the other balancing a dinner plate to be brought up to Cordelia. Sara's heart thumped steadily, mirroring the beat her feet made as she padded up the stairs to her mother's room. She pushed the cracked door open with her hip, forgetting to knock in all her anxiousness. "Mom?" No reply. Sara set the plate on a dresser, just about to the leave the room when she spotted her mother's sleeping figure on the bed. Cordelia looked so vulnerable in her sleep; she was curled in a ball, appearing so small Sara was afraid she might actually disappear. Cordelia's normally glowing ivory skin was a sickly pale color and if it weren't for the delicate rise and fall of her chest the younger witch would've checked for a pulse. Sara swallowed thickly, her stomach churning at the sight of her mother. It was a vicious cycle; Sara and Cordelia were constantly tangled in a never ending state of guilt. It was Sara's self-reproach for burdening her mother that had started this whole thing, yet here she was, the familiar feeling tightening it's grip around her throat. She turned around quickly walking out of the room, unable to look at Cordelia any longer. Walking down the stairs and rejoining her siblings on the couch, Sara knew she would have to talk to her Mom if she ever wanted to recover and remove the millstone that rested heavily upon her shoulders. _  
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_"One day you will Sara, I know you will." _Myrtles voice rang through her head. Sara sighed, both grateful yet annoyed that her sister could read minds.

The witch scooped Myrtle up into a meaningful embrace, cradling her sister in her arms as she spoke, "Alright, who wants to watch a movie. I know it's a little past bedtime but if you don't tell Mama I wont." Sara was met with gleeful smiles and tiny hugs as Christie and Stephen wrapped themselves around their older sister's legs, mimicking tiny anchors. "Guys, I can't put in a movie if I can't walk you goofs," Sara chuckled as she attempted to walk. The twins held on to each leg tightly, giggling uncontrollably as Sara trudged on towards the couch. By the time they all reached the living room, they had collapsed into a fit of laughter, not putting in a movie until their stomaches ached and tears streamed gently down their faces.

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It wasn't long after Sara had popped the movie in that her siblings had fallen asleep. She removed herself from the mess of sleeping bodies, stuffed animals and "blankies" and walked over to the kitchen, putting the remains of their dinner away after making Misty a plate for when she got home. Sara pondered whether she should wake up her sibling to put them to bed but they snored contentedly on the couch; she would leave them be. She began to yawn loudly, getting ready to bring herself up to her room for bed when Cordelia shuffled into the kitchen. Sara's throat tightened instinctively.

"Hey Sara, thanks for making dinner again, it was great." Cordelia placed her plate on the kitchen counter; the food had barely even been touched let alone tasted. "I really wanted to thank you for taking care of things. I haven't been feeling well lately." Cordelia moved to the other side of the counter, opening her arms to take Sara into an hug.

"Don't." Sara pulled away, biting back tears,"You can't just come down from your room once a week, say hi, and expect everything to be ok."

Cordelia's face crumpled, her eyebrows knitting together as her bottom lip quivered. "I'm sorry I haven't been around lately Sara. I mean it."

"I'm not saying this for me. I'm saying this for Myrtle, and Stephen and Christie. You know what Christie said to me today? She said she wanted _mom's_ mac n cheese and you know what I had to say to her? I said no because you can't bother mom. She can't _bother_ mom. As if that's all she is; a _bother." _Sara was on the verge of yelling, her fists clenched, knuckles white with anger. Cordelia flinched, her daughter's words slapping her in the face and leaving her gaping and gasping for breath.

"I'm sorry," Cordelia's voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper, "But—"

"No, no buts. Have you even seen Mama lately? She's killing herself to help you." Sara's voice trembled with fury; her words dripping with venom as she spat back at her mother, "You know what? It would better if you just left. Maybe then everyone would stop getting their hopes up that _Mom_ would come down from her room and give a shit about anyone else." Sara bit her lip until it began to bleed, tears rolling steadily down her face. "_They_,"she pointed at her younger siblings still sleeping on the couch, "Needed you and you weren't there," her voice cracked ,"_I_ needed you and you weren't there." That was the final blow; Cordelia held her hands up to face as if to fend herself off from Sara's words. She whimpered, her whole body shaking as she backed up slowly before turning and running straight for the door. Sara called out for Cordelia but it was too late. _Oh God, Oh God, what have I done? _Sara had been in that dark place, the one her mother roamed in now, and she had just sent Cordelia over the edge, dunking her head under rather than pulling her from the relentless waves. Her anger vanished, instantly being replaced by regret. Sara chased after her mother, charging through the front door only to catch the glimmer of Cordelia's headlights as she pulled out of the driveway. She collapsed to the ground, curling into a fetal position, her body racked with sobs as she cried out for her mother.

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Sara was unsure how long she had been laying there as her crumpled figured was illuminated by car headlights. Her head snapped up; she prayed it was Cordelia.

"Honey, what are ya doin on the ground there?" Misty hopped out of the car, leaving it on as she ran over to her daughter.

_Oh God, what am I going to tell Mama. She'll never want to see me again. _Sara managed to whimper as Misty grasped her forearms, helping her up into a standing position.

"Sara, what's goin on, use your words darlin'." Misty spoke frantically; she cupped her daughters face, her thumbs stroking soothing patterns into Sara's tear-stained cheeks.

"Mama's gone," Sara blubbered, crying so hard she began to choke and stutter,"We got into a fight... I-I-I t-t-old her to leave and she left." The concern in Misty's eyes was quickly replaced by something Sara didn't recognize; a rage that only surfaced when it came to protecting Cordelia.

"Ya what?!" Sara fell to her knees, grappling onto her mother's loose skirt. She grasped the flowy material and brought it to her face as she wept like a child. "Do ya have any idea how hard ya mother is fightin for you kids? Ya knew what she was goin through and ya still did that?" Misty yelled, her hands flailing and face reddening as anger coursed through her veins. "This is _your_ fault to begin with," she growled, blinded by rage. Sara sobbed harder, her hands clenching onto Misty's dress and pulling her closer. "Get offa me," Misty snarled, ripping the fabric from her daughters hands and pushing her away. She stormed to the car, almost completely disregarding Sara on the pavement until her motherly instincts kicked in, "Sara get inside with the kids and stay there. Im goin' ta find ya mother." She stayed in the driveway, making sure Sara entered the house. Misty knew what she said to her daughter was wrong and immediately regretted it, she loved Sara but all of that would have to wait. She pulled out of the driveway, tires squealing and a single name racing through her mind— Cordelia. _  
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Misty drove distraughtly, going well above the speed limit to reach Cordelia. She prayed her wife would be at the Swamps as she raced to her old shack. The tires squeaked as she pulled up to the entrance to the swamps, she would have to walk the rest of the way but seeing Cordelia's car parked near by gave her a sense of relief. She couldn't contain herself as she began to sprint to her shack; she needed to see Cordelia, hold her, smell her, desperate for any piece of her. The cajun sprinted blindly, thorns tugging at her skirt and cutting her ankles. She ignored the stinging easily, knowing she would willingly endure pain a thousand times worse for Cordelia. Misty's heart beat out of her chest as she reached the shack, a light sheen of sweat covering her forehead. _What if Cordelia wasn't here? What if you were too late? _The Swamp witch pressed against the door as it creaked on it's hinges, opening the only thing that lay behind her and Delia slowly, out of the fear of what lay behind it. Air rushed from her lungs in relief as she saw Delia's figure lying on the small spring board mattress. "Dee?" Her only reply was a sniffle and the groaning of the mattress as it bounced under the weight of Cordelia's sobs. Misty walked over to the small bed, lying down and wrapping her arms around her wife.

"I'm sorry Misty."

"Don't be sorry."

"I don't want to feel like this," Cordelia whimpered, "I'm so angry. I'm so hurt."

Misty pulled Cordelia in, tightening her embrace and molding their bodies together; two pieces of a puzzle made only for each other. "I know, but ya are so strong. Ya can beat this Dee."

Cordelia turned so she was facing Misty, her eyes bloodshot; tears continuing to fall. "I'm so tired," her voice barely above a whisper, as if it took all her strength to speak.

The swamp witch cupped her lovers face, gently wiping away tears, her heart shattering with every word. She would give everything she ever had to make her wife smile and nothing hurt worse than the fact that she couldn't take away Cordelia's pain; she wished it was her who was suffering. "I know, but don't let this consume ya."

The Supreme took in a deep breath to steady her voice, "I won't. I won't give up."

"Ya can do it. I'm here for ya and I always will be. I ain't ever leavin' Dee."

Cordelia rested her forehead against Misty's, "I love you."

"I love ya too."


	4. Where's Sara?

Foxxay/Sara prompt. Misty and Cordelia return home (like a day or two later) to find Zoe and Queenie watching the kids but no Sara. She's taken off, she's been gone since Misty went to get Delia. Myrtle doesn't know where she is because Sara blocked her out of her mind. they do a little searching and find Cordelia's alcohol stash gone. maybe they find her. Maybe they don't. maybe it ends with a heart to heart chat with the three of them.

It had been two days before Misty returned home from the swamp with her wife. Cordelia wanted to drive home that night but Misty insisted on staying longer; the swamp witch knowing that it would greatly benefit the Supreme. They spent the entire weekend absorbed in each other. The Cajun tended to all of Cordelia's needs, feeding her steadily and making sure whatever she ate stayed down. Misty knew it would be a long time until her wife had fully recovered but that weekend had given her hope, the life was gradually beginning to return to Cordelia's eyes.

Pulling up to their home after the weekend, the Supreme felt the same way; she knew she wasn't fixed but Misty had given her strength. The swamp witch was a ray of sun that parted the dark clouds that followed Cordelia around. With her love, the older witch could begin to fight back against the darkness that plagued her and more importantly fix the mess that had become her family. The Supreme stood outside the front door, overwhelmed by the memory of her fight with Sara. She didn't think she could go back inside, her legs threatening to give out and her mind spinning. Her eyes squeezed shut, tears threatening to fall. The darkness within her smiled sinisterly, thoroughly enjoying her self doubt. _Having trouble Cordelia? It's just a door, and whether you open it or not won't change the fact that your daughter wishes you would just disappear. _The older witch began to tremble uncontrollably, inundated by her uncertainty until strong arms wrapped around her.

"Hey, hey, hey," Misty murmured gently in her ear, "I'm right here Dee." The swamp witch squeezed tighter, knowing that even though Cordelia was here physically, her mind was miles away. She pressed kisses onto the Supreme's head, rubbing her arms soothingly until Cordelia's shaking had subsided. "I'm right here," she repeated, "We are gonna do this together." Cordelia nodded gratefully, melting into Misty's arms; the supreme's fear and doubt quickly being replaced by the feeling of comfort synonymous with Misty's being.

"Mist, what would I ever do without you?"

"Ya would be just fine darlin'. I'm not changin' anythin' about ya, I'm just remindin' ya of what was already there." Cordelia smiled, her heart swelling with the love she possessed for Misty since the first day she saw her. "Thatta girl, look at that beautiful smile. Still get's my heart beatin' like a drum." Misty beamed down at her wife, nothing could ever make her happier than seeing Cordelia smile. "Now are ya ready to go inside?"

"After this," the Supreme stood on the tip of her toes, smiling as she pressed a kiss to Misty's lips, "_Now_ I'm ready." Cordelia's steady hand opened the door with ease; she was still nervous to see Sara but she knew that with Misty behind her she could conquer whatever lay ahead. The house was eerily silent as they walked through the foyer together, hand-in-hand. The Supreme took a deep breath to calm her nerves before calling out, "Hello? It's Mom and Momma, where is everyone?" A few seconds passed before the silence was broken by the pitter-patter of little feet and tiny squeals of joy as the twins and Myrtle ran down the stairs to greet their mothers. Cordelia squatted down, opening her arms to wrap her children in a hug. She grinned as three sets of tiny hands grabbed at her clothes, pulling her closer and peppering her with kisses.

"I missed you so much Mommy!" Stephen cried out, completely overjoyed at seeing his mother.

"Not as much as me though," Christie countered, burying her head in Cordelia's hair. Myrtle remained silent but nuzzled into her mother's arms. Misty smiled down at her family wishing she could take a picture; the smiles on their faces displaying the purest form of happiness.

Cordelia wanted to immerse herself in the love she was receiving from her kids but she pulled away, her heart pounding as she spoke, " I missed you all too but where's Sara?" The guilt swirled within her stomach, making Cordelia feel anxious and undeserving of the affection she was being given; She needed to speak to Sara. The Supreme searched her children's faces for answers but they stared back blankly, clearly unaware that Sara was missing.

"Auntie Zoe told us that Sara was with you guys takin' a vacation," Stephen answered on behalf of sisters.

"What? When did—" Cordelia was interrupted by the sound of feet thumping down the stairs. Her heart beat out of her chest as she peered up slowly, preparing herself to see Sara. Cordelia let out a sigh of relief, feeling guilty immediately after, as she saw Zoe padding down the stairs rather than Sara. "Hey Zoe, what're you doing here?"

Zoe looked at Cordelia dumbly, clearly confused, "Uh, what do you mean? Sara asked me to come watch the kids because she was going on a weekend trip with you two?"

The Supreme stood up, looking at her wife, "Mist, when was the last time you saw Sara before you drove over to the swamp?" Cordelia spoke frantically, settling into a state of panic; She wouldn't be able to live with herself if Sara had run away.

Misty lowered her gaze unable to look Cordelia in the eyes, ashamed she had just left their kids unsupervised in pursuit of her wife. "I watched Sara go inside, then I drove straight to tha swamp," The swamp witch began to mumble nervously," I'm sorry Dee, I was just got so worked up, I was too harsh. I said some stuff n then I went crazy tryin' ta find ya. I shouldn't have jus—"

The older witch disregarded Misty's rambling as she turned to Myrtle, her voice distraught," Myrtle, honey, can you tell me where Sara is?"

Myrtle nodded, knowing she could easily see in Sara's mind, something she had done many times before. Her calm expression faltered, her eyes squeezing shut as she scrunched her face in concentration. Myrtle's eyes flew open; blue-green orbs flickered nervously from Misty to Cordelia. "Mommy, I can't hear Sara."

"Wh-what?" Cordelia stuttered out, "What do you mean?"

"I can't hear her." Myrtle's lip began to quiver, foreshadowing a fit of tears.

Misty stepped in,"Alright hun', don't cry now. I'm sure Sara is fine." She spoke in a hushed tone, rubbing small circles into Myrtle's back before pulling her into an embrace. She peered over her daughters shoulder, making eye contact with Cordelia.

The Supremes eyes were glazed over in panic, her hands twitched apprehensively, "We have to find her. What if we can't find her?" Cordelia's heart beat violently, her stomach churning as she began to sweat. The walls were closing in steadily and the room was spinning; the images of her family and Zoe blurring together. _She's gone. Your fault. She's probably dead. Remember when Nan couldn't hear Madison, yea because she was murdered. _Cordelia began to hyperventilate, gasping for breath as she blindly reached out for Misty and then everything went black.

Cordelia awoke moments later in Misty's arms, crowded by her children and Zoe. The Swamp witch stroked her wife's face, her eyes wide with concern. "Hey Dee, ya fainted but I got ya now." The Supreme could hear her heart pumping ferociously, blood roaring in her ears. She blinked rapidly, Misty's face materializing in front of her; the sight of curly hair and blue-green eyes staring back at her providing her with a sense of safety. They sat like that for a while, Cordelia's breathing returning to normal. "Alright, Dee," Misty hummed softly, " let's get up so we can start lookin' for Sara, yea?" The cajun hooked her arms under her wife, assisting her in getting up off the ground. "Zoe, you take the kids and look upstairs n' me n Dee will take the downstairs. I doubt she's home but let's look for clues."

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They searched the house for what seemed like hours, coming up empty handed. Cordelia was about to suggest moving the search to the academy when she stumbled upon her liquor cabinet; the once full cabinet was now almost completely bare, the only things remaining were two bottles of wine. "Oh God, Misty!" Cordelia cried out for her wife.

The swamp witch sprinted into the kitchen, afraid harm had come to her wife, "Are ya okay Dee?" She instinctively took Cordelia into her arms. The Supreme shook her head, pointing to the liquor cabinet, tears collecting in her eyes.

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Sara looked up at the sky from the hood of her car, the stars winking mischievously as she took a swig of the alcohol she had taken from her mothers. The drink burned on it's way down; it hurt but it was a different kind of pain, much more pleasant than the emptiness she had felt all weekend. Her head buzzed as she checked her phone, ignoring the missed calls from home and waiting for one call in particular. The cell phone finally rang, "Derek?"

"Sara?"

"Yea. You know why I called?"

"Are you sure you wanna do this?"

"Did I fucking stutter? Bring me what I want or don't even bother showing up at all. I'm at the cliff by my house." Sara hung up, ending the conversation abruptly; She knew Derek would show up despite her harshness. The particularly sleazy kid had been infatuated with her since grade school and would serve the purpose of warm body perfectly, not to mention his ability to get his hands on almost anything. Sara smiled, giddy with excitement as she tried to guess what type of drug Derek would bring her. If she was being honest, she didn't care as long as whatever he brought extinguished the emotions that burned within her. She took another drink, grimacing at the taste but relishing in the sting. It wasn't long before Derek's car pulled up next to her, a smile plastered on his unshaven face as he climbed out and settled himself on Sara's hood.

"Hey babe." Sara shivered at the pet name, disgusted, but kissed him regardless. His beard scratched against her skin as they kissed sloppily; his mouth tasted of cigarettes and whisky but she didn't care, she just wanted to feel.

Their tongues danced messily before Sara pulled away, "Did you bring them?"

"Of course, you called me because you knew I wouldn't let you down," Derek withdrew the small baggie from his back pocket.

Sara snorted, "Don't flatter yourself." She snatched the baggie, barely even looking at the different shaped pills as she rashly dumped them into her mouth, washing them down with a shot.

"Woah, babe maybe you should slow down."

"Shut up," Sara leaned over, crushing their lips together forcefully. She kissed him hungrily, despite the lack of connection and romance. Derek crawled on top of her, crushing her with his weight. "Hey, man get off." He ignored her, his tongue thrusting back into her mouth; the air being compressed out of Sara's lungs. She gasped against his mouth, her arms flailing and clawing at his arms, "Get off of me you pig!"

"Shut up," he growled, "You owe me for the drugs. You didn't even share. The least you can do is put out." Sara's mind raced she she grabbed her bottle of alcohol and knocked him over the head. Derek yelled out and groaned as he collapsed on top of her. Sara quickly rolled his unconscious body off the hood of her car, beginning to cry when the severity of her actions sunk in.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Sara slipped into her car, panicking as she left Derek on the ground. The last shred of her common sense screamed at her not to drive; the pills and alcohol clouding her brain. Despite her state, she pulled out quickly, knowing there was only one placed she could go—home. Luckily, it was early into the next morning as Sara pulled onto the almost empty road. She drove recklessly, almost enjoying the adrenaline that coursed through her veins; her life was at risk and she loved it.

It wasn't long before Sara sped to the house, ignoring the driveway and driving straight into the lawn, just stopping short of the front door. She crawled out of her car, barely making it up the steps, tripping multiple times. The pills she had taken slamming her in the back of the head like a brick; everything in her vision melting together into one blurry picture. Her knees bled as she finally made it up the steps, crimson streams running rivulets down her legs. Sara crashed through the door, collapsing as her eyes blurred over; the last thing she saw was Cordelia sprinting down the steps.


	5. I'm Trying

Foxxay-sara prompt: Sara becomes a little too crazy as in she now drinks and smokes and does drugs because she feels bad for the pain she gave her moms and misty and cordelia are trying to deal with her and they have an emotional fight

can you continue foxxay/sarah fanfic with misty bringing cordelia to home and she doing the best to get better and stay more with the kids, but she's still bad, barely eat,.. sara apologize but cordelia can't really forget what her daughter said and she break down saying how hard she's trying

Sara woke up in her bed, greeted by the warm sunlight that trickled through her window. If it were any other afternoon, she might have enjoyed the way the sun shone on her sheets except this wasn't any other morning; it was the complete opposite. Her head was pounding and the sun only made it worst; the extreme brightness intensifying the pulsing pain. She swung her heavy limbs over the side of the bed, attempting to get up but was stopped short by an overwhelming feeling of sickness. Her head spun as the lump in her throat grew, "Oh God," she groaned, springing up from the bed, her stomach churning, threatening to explode at any moment. Sara couldn't make it to the bathroom, she stumbled, falling to her knees; a burning sensation tearing it's way up her throat as her stomach emptied it's contents onto the hallway floor. She cried out in pain, her stomach clenching continuously, making her gag until their was nothing left to be spewed up. Her body trembled with such intensity she barely registered the hand rubbing soothing circles into her back. The young witch turned her head, expecting to see Misty but was met with brown eyes rather than blue-green.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Cordelia's voice was gentle; the kind of tone one would use when trying not to spook a wild animal. Sara wanted to be angry, wanted to run, to push her mother away but she couldn't— her body was just so tired. She sunk into Cordelia's arms whimpering softly, crying more for her heartbreak than her physical pain. She missed her mother's, missed their taunting and the impromptu picnics in the garden; she even missed dancing to Fleetwood Mac, regardless of how Misty drove her mad when she played same record over and over again. Sara cried harder, feeling like a child when Cordelia stroked her hair. They sat on the ground like that for a while, exchanging no words, both witches knowing that what had happened between them wasn't something that could easily be fixed. Their constant battles were physically and emotionally draining, creating wounds that would take a long time to heal and most certainly leave scars.

The Supreme broke the silence first, "Let's get you back to bed." The younger witch nodded gratefully, her legs buckling as Cordelia helped her off the ground and supported her as the two stumbled towards Sara's room. The Supreme tucked her daughter in to bed, brushing away the hair that stuck to Sara's clammy forehead. The younger witch opened her mouth to say something—anything, that would let her mother begin to know how sorry she was. Cordelia silenced her with a glance and gentle nod; a look that said now was not the time. "Get some sleep," Cordelia's spoke soothingly, " I will be here when you wake up." She placed a tender kiss on Sara's forehead before walking out of her daughter's room, shutting the door behind her.

Cordelia took a deep breath, attempting to steady her emotions as she walked out into the hall, greeted by Misty's slouched figure cleaning up the mess Sara had left. The Supreme knelt down next to her wife, grabbing a sponge from the bucket and beginning to scrub the floor. The swamp with looked up from the mess, "Hey hun, don't worry I got this."

"No." Cordelia spoke through clenched teeth, scrubbing the floor aggressively. She would not let Misty clean this mess up, not when she was responsible for creating it. Sara never would have drank herself unconscious, only waking up to vomit, if she had been there for her daughter._ Are you going to let to let Misty clean up this mess? Just like she does everything else? _The Supreme squeezed her eyes shut, swallowing her guilt and willing the voices to go away. _  
_

"Cordelia—"

"No, This is my mess. My fault. I can do it. Let me do it."

"Dee."

Cordelia threw her sponge down, her hands trembling. She got up hastily, ignoring Misty's attempt to pull her into an embrace. The Cajun reached out, trying to grab onto Cordelia's hand. "Let go." She batted Misty's hands away and walked to their room, slamming the door behind her.

"C'mon Dee." Misty called after her wife, abandoning the pool of soap on the ground and running over to the door, twisting the knob despite the fact she already knew the Supreme had locked it. "Let me in," The Swamp witch begged, her voice hoarse with emotion "Talk to me." She persisted but was denied.

"There's nothing to talk about," Cordelia spoke through the door; the fact that she was beginning to cry was easily heard despite the wooden barrier, " We wouldn't have to clean our daughter's vomit off the floor if I wasn't such terrible mother."

"Dee—"

"Oh Stop!" Cordelia screamed, her voice cracking as she cut Misty off, "Just stop talking. I'm just like Fiona. Everything Sara says is true."

Misty cringed, her lover's words as sharp as glass, making her heart ache so severely it was as if the words were directed towards her and not Cordelia. "Please, let me in Dee." The Cajun waited for a reply; her emotions swelling with every sniffle and cry that came from Cordelia. She opened her mouth, ready to plead one last time when she was cut off by the click of a lock and creaking of a swinging door. Misty took in the sight of her wife; Cordelia's eyes were red and puffy, dull and drained of all life.

The older witch practically fell into Misty's arms, desperate to have the comfort only the swamp witches's touch could bring. "I'm a complete failure Mist. I can't even take care of my family let alone the academy." Cordelia buried her face into the Cajun's neck, her cries slightly muffled by blonde curls. Misty wrapped her arms around her wife, her grip tightening fiercely as she watched all the progress Cordelia had made disappear right before her eyes.

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Sara awoke in her bed; this time greeted by the gentle light of the moon rather than the sun. She shifted under the covers, stretching out her stiff legs before climbing out of bed. The young witch rejoiced in the fact that the violent pounding in her head had practically disappeared. The only remnants of her earlier episode were a small ache in the back of her skull and slight feeling of nausea—not including the pain and guilt that weighed heavily on her heart. She couldn't wait any longer to talk to her mother, it was now or never. Sara stepped out into the hall, her stomach grumbling hungrily in response to the enticing scent that wafted up the stairs and into her nose. Walking down the steps, she figured her family must have just sat down for dinner. She followed the scent, her heart telling her that's where Cordelia would be. Sara shuffled into the kitchen, immediately let down when she saw Misty, by her lonesome, putting away the remains of an earlier dinner.

Misty turned at the sound of Sara's entrance, full wine glass in hand, " Oh hey hun, didn't think I would see ya tonight." Sara eyed her Mama suspiciously, alarm bells going off the instant she spotted the drink; The swamp witch never chose wine when she needed a drink.

"Uh, hey mama, why are you drinkin—" She cut herself off, her embarrassment apparent in the flush that spread across her face as she remembered; Misty was drinking wine because Sara had ransacked their alcohol cabinet less than three days ago.

The older witch arched her eyebrow over the rim of her glass knowingly, "Well ya know I would love a good glass of somethin' else but it appears I'm all out. How crazy right? Must've been Myrtle. Toddlers these days." Sara lowered her gaze; her face crimson and nearly on fire with shame.

"Alright, alright," Misty chuckled at her daughter's discomfort but only for a second as her tone turned gravely serious, "But don't ya ever do anythin' like that ever again. I love ya and ya nearly gave me a goddamn heart attack." She pulled Sara into a hug.

"I know Ma, I'm sorry and we can talk about that later but um.. have you seen Mom?" Misty pulled away from the hug abruptly, her expression sinking. The Swamp witch's mouth hung open, contemplating what to say. Sara recognized the pitying look instantly; it was the one that Misty would give her younger siblings whenever they asked to see Cordelia. Sara didn't allow her mother to get out a single word, she cut her off speaking sharply, "No. Don't give me that she's not feeling well crap. Where is she? She can't do this again."

The older witch hesitated before she spoke, " Uh no hun, she's just sleepin, ya can talk to her tomorrow ok?" Sara shook her head angrily—she knew Misty was lying; the way Misty's face crumpled said Cordelia would not be coming down for a long time.

The teen blinked rapidly, her eyelids fluttering, as she forced herself not to cry, "Fine. I'll talk to her tomorrow. I'm going back to bed. Goodnight."

"Alright, sleep well darlin'," Misty leaned in to press a kiss to Sara's forehead but the younger witch turned her back cruelly and walked towards the stairs without saying another word to her mother.

Sara ran up the steps towards her room, her feelings bubbling into a steady boil. She slammed the door, not caring if the sound woke anyone up. _I don't know what I'll do if she disappears again. __Why can't my mom just get up and talk to me? Oh wait because I fucked her up so badly she can't even leave her room._ No words could ever describe the combination of remorse and anger she was feeling. The only thing she knew was that she was going to explode. These emotions transformed her into someone she didn't recognize, they grasped ahold of her, clawing at her arms and stringing her up like a puppet, putting the teen at the mercy of her uncontrollable demons. She needed something to dull it all. _Alcohol?_ The still lingering ache in the back of her head said no. _Pills?_ Sara's stomach churned menacingly. No. Suddenly, it came to her. she searched through her underwear drawer frantically, looking for the cure. Thin fingers wrapped around a plastic bag, pulling it from the mounds of clothes to reveal a lighter and two rolled joints. _Perfect. _Sara grabbed the lighter and a joint, throwing the baggy back into her drawer before walking to her window. The window creaked as it slid open wide enough for the witch to squeeze through and crawl onto the roof. She laid back against the rough tiles, placing the joint between smug lips as she flicked the lighter. The rolled paper caught quickly, sparks flying and lungs filling with smoke. Sara exhaled, the smoke meandering whimsically up into the sky, mingling with the stars—her mind soon following behind. _  
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That next morning, her mother did not come downstairs and even though she was expecting it, it still stung. The day after, she held onto her dwindling hope but by the end of the week Sara had given up. If the Supreme would not come to her, she would go to Cordelia. Sara walked up to her parent's bedroom door, rapping gently, attempting to keep her emotions in check. Unsurprisingly, Misty answered the door; Cordelia's faithful guard dog.

"Hey hun what's up?"

"Hey Momma, is mom there?"

The swamp witch glanced over her shoulder, her eyes flickering anxiously, "I'm sorry she's restin' Sar and I don't wanna wake her up. She hasn't been sleepin' well."

Sara ignored her Mama, raising her voice so it would seep through the cracks of the open door, "Mom? I know you're in there and I know you can hear me. You can't stay in there forever."

"Sara, that's enough she's sleeping." Misty's voice was cautious yet stern, her eyes shooting a warning glare at her daughter.

"No she's not," Sara's involuntary rise in volume was corresponding with her growing irritation, "I know you're in there Mom. Are you so disgusted by me that you can't even face me?!"

"Sara. That. Is. Enough." Misty nearly growled as she dismissed her daughter, "Go downstairs right now. Get the kids and set the table for dinner. I'll be down soon." The swamp witch slammed the door in Sara's face, leaving her daughter stunned.

The teen pounded angrily on the door, "Yea!? Well maybe I wouldn't have to get the kids and set the table if there were some actual mother's around here!" Sara huffed out a breath, her heart racing. She listened intently, awaiting Misty's heated response but was rewarded with something even greater. The door swung open, revealing a disheveled Cordelia; the bags under her dull eyes sagging heavily, eyebrows knitted together.

"Is this what you want?" The Supreme's tearful eyes contrasted the anger laced in her voice, " You want to talk? Here I am. Go ahead and tell me how awful a mother I am."

"Dee don't say—"

"No Misty. Let Sara talk." Cordelia's bottom lip trembled as she clenched her fists, bracing herself for Sara's assault. Misty bit her tongue, silenced but hovering, ready to strike if things got too out of hand.

The young witch was at a loss for words, barely able to choke out a sentence. Before Sara went up to her parents door, she had planned out the entire conversation in her head. She would be firm and show her mother the error of her ways. But now, looking at Cordelia in her weakened state, it was impossible be angry; the young witch was afraid that if she yelled, the force of her breath would blow her frail mother away. "I'm sorry," She croaked, her tongue heavy and useless in her mouth.

Cordelia sniffled, tears welling in the corners of her glistening eyes, "That's it?"

"I-I-I don't know what to say, I was angry and hurt and I needed you and—"

"I was trying _so_ hard to be there for you Sara," The Supreme's voice broke, unable to hold back her tears any longer. "I still am." Cordelia wept softly, "I-It's just so hard to get out of bed. My body doesn't want to work anymore and I don't even know why." She cried harder, swiping at her cheeks and smearing her tears. The pain in her chest was overwhelming, her entire body threatening to cave in—it was too much. "I'm sorry Sara," she hiccuped, nearly hyperventilating, "I-I-I can't do this right now but I promise tomorrow."

"But—"

Cordelia grabbed her daughter's hands, holding them in her own, "I promise." Sara nodded in recognition, seeing truth in her mother's blood-shot eyes.

"Tomorrow then. Goodnight Mom."

Sara retreated to her bed, leaving after Misty swept a blubbering Cordelia away into their room. Her demons screamed at her, her skin crawling as she laid down. _No._ Sara ignored them. She would not mess this up. The chance to finally reconcile with her mothers was worth more than any relief or high she would receive from her vices. The young witch went to bed, her heart aching with the promise of tomorrow.


	6. We are Going to do This Together

Sara/Foxxay prompt. Cordelia still doesn't want to have a sensitive chat with Sara, she's too angry. When someone in the household finally gets her to sit and talk to her eldest it all comes out. Cordelia's past secrets and hurts. She says hurtful yet truthful things that make Sara want to run, but instead she sits and takes it. Even confessing her own secrets, cutting, drugs etc.

Cordelia's eyes fluttered open as the sun spilled through the blinds, illuminating specks of dust that danced through the air and bathing her in warmth. She smiled to herself, closing her eyes again and snuggling deeper into the covers. Her hand snaked between the sheets, slithering through silk in search of her other half. The Supreme's smile grew when she found Misty's hand; the swamp witch sleepily toyed with Cordelia's fingers before lacing them together. It was easy for the older witch to loose her grief in the pattern that Misty stroked over her knuckles but her relief was always fleeting. Cordelia opened her eyes and rolled over, her smile melting off her face as she took in her wife's features. Misty looked completely drained; angry, black bags were painted under her eyes and the laugh lines that Cordelia adored were replaced by wrinkles of exhaustion. She untangled her hand from Misty's and reached out tentatively, tracing the lines and brushing stray curls away from her lover's face.

The swamp witch kept her eyes shut but smiled dreamily, "I love you," she whispered, her voice thick with sleep. Misty puckered her lips, waiting for a good morning kiss. She was met not with a kiss but a heavy sigh and the sound of shifting sheets as Cordelia removed herself from bed. Instantly, Misty awoke, the haze of sleep dissipating at her lover's absence. "Where ya goin' Dee?"

"I'm sorry, Mist." Cordelia stood at the end of the bed, struggling to make eye contact. Her eye's flicked up once then shot back down. This overwhelming sense of guilt making it nearly impossible to look at her wife. To look at Misty and see her sunken eyes would mean accepting the fact that this was all Cordelia's fault. She had turned her easy-going, fun-loving swamp witch into a completely different person plagued by stress. Cordelia closed her eyes, attempting to fight against the tears welling in the corners of her eyes.

"Dee, look at me, what's wrong?" The Supreme shook her head, hot tears spilling down her cheeks. "Come here." Misty opened the blankets, beckoning for Cordelia to come back to bed. She couldn't tell whether she was trying to comfort Cordelia or herself. Her heart ached for the older witch; she always felt Cordelia's pain as if it were her own. "Please Dee."

Cordelia mumbled an okay, her feet dragging, eyes glued to the ground as she shuffled over to the bed. She slipped into Misty's embrace, molding their bodies together as the swamp witch wrapped the covers around her. Misty held her fiercely, hugging Cordelia to her chest as she pressed gentle kisses to her wife's temple. The raw display of affection just making Cordelia cry harder.

"Dee please stop cryin', what's wrong?" Misty rubbed soothing circles into the Supreme's arms, waiting for a reply.

"Im sorry."

"Dee, ya know that ya never, ever need to apologize to me."

Cordelia shifted in Misty's arms, turning so that they were face to face. "How can I not when im killing you. You barely ever sleep because you're so busy doing everything for me," she was blubbering now, her face streaked with tears, "I don't deserve you at all and—"

Misty cut Cordelia off, silencing her with a passionate kiss; the only thing Misty felt could truly convey how she felt. She pulled away, wiping the tears from Cordelia's face," Dee, nothing bad could ever happen to me when I'm with you. I would never sleep again if it meant ya would feel even a little bit better."

Cordelia stared at her wife, overwhelmed by the love she found swimming in blue-green eyes. Her crying subsided as Misty continued to stroke delicate patterns into her cheeks. "God, I love you so much," she sniffled.

Misty smiled, cupping her wife's face and bringing her in for another sweet kiss. Their lips connected gently, only separating when Misty moved to to place a kiss on the tip of Cordelia's nose. "Not as much as I love ya Dee. Ya are my mondays to sundays and everythin in between."

A tear single tear slipped from the Supreme's eye, not out of grief or guilt but out of love; Cordelia would never be able to put into words how much Misty meant to her. She buried herself into the swamp witches's arms, nuzzling against her wife's neck before she spoke, "I wish we could lay like this all day."

"As much as I would love that, ya know we can't. Ya promised Sara ya would have a talk with her."

Cordelia sighed against Misty's neck, just the thought of talking with Sara causing her emotions to flare. "I just want this to be over. I want to be better."

The Cajun stroked Cordelia's hair, twirling the ends around her fingers, "I know hun but that all start's with talkin' to Sara."

Cordelia pulled away from Misty, a frown creeping across her face. "I wouldn't even know what to say."

"Well, ya could start with talkin' bout how you feel." Misty spoke carefully, trying her best not to upset Cordelia. The cajun knew that her wife's emotions were an open flame— easily able to spark out of control and likely to singe anyway in the way.

The older witches's frown grew into a full blown scowl, "Well that's the problem. I don't know how I feel," her tone displayed her agitation, "I'm so angry at Sara for acting out. But than again her acting out is my fault?" At this point, Cordelia had climbed out of bed, beginning to pace. " Why should I even talk to her? So she can tell me how shitty of a mom I am?"

"Darlin, ya—"

"No Mist, what has she even done to deserve my forgiveness? I've tried so hard. " Cordelia was waving her hands angrily as she spoke, her frustration growing with every word.

The swamp witch scrambled out of bed, walking over to wife. "Delia," Misty placed her hands on Cordelia's shoulders," She's just a kid. She never means what shes sayin' and ya know that." She spoke calmly, attempting to soothe Cordelia, "Ya are the most wonderful mother in the world." The Supreme gazed up at Misty, offering her a meek smile and letting out a deep sigh in reply. "Besides me of course," the cajun teased, grabbing at her wife's sides, tickling her ribs.

"Misty!," Cordelia yelped out in surprise, laughter bubbling from her throat as she tried to bat Misty's hands away.

"What?" Misty grinned wickedly, continuing to tickle Cordelia, "Ya aren't ticklish or anythin, right Dee?" The older witch tried to escape Misty, giggling uncontrollably; her irritation melting away. "No way, Dee ya can't get away from me." She picked up a squealing Cordelia, cradling her wife in her arms.

The Supreme smiled, biting her lip to stifle her laughter as she rested her head against Misty's chest. "I love you," she spoke reverently, completely in awe of how Misty alway knew exactly how to make her feel better.

"I love ya too," she kissed Cordelia's forehead, still holding her, " Why don't we go down and make some breakfast and then ya can talk with Sara when ya are ready?"

"Yea, I'd like that."

000000000000000000

The two witches worked around each other, cooking breakfast for the hungry kids that had swarmed downstairs at the first sign of food.

"Hey momma," Christie ran over the Misty, "Can I flip the next pancake?"

"Me too!" cried Stephen, "I wanna flip a pancake too!"

The swamp witch smiled, smoothing over Christie's curls, " Why of course ya both can. What about you Myrtle? ya wanna try and flip a pancake?" Myrtle nodded shyly, grinning and joining her siblings in crowding around their Momma. Cordelia danced around her kids, grabbing plates to set the table; the smile on her face displaying unadulterated happiness—something she had not felt in a very long time.

"Mom! look I did it!" Christie cried out, "I flipped a pancake!" Christie pointed proudly to the floor, eager to show off the pancake she had flipped completely out of the pan. Cordelia held back her laughter as Misty let out a deep, throaty chuckle.

"I see it baby," the Supreme smiled reassuringly, "But next time you gotta get it in the pan ok? You're flipping pancakes like your momma." Misty stuck her tongue out, laughing as she bent to pick up the lost pancake.

Laughter filled the kitchen as they continued to cook; time flying by.

Misty flipped the last pancake as Cordelia lead to kids to the table, "Ok guys i think we have enough to —" Cordelia lost her words as she watched Sara shuffle into the kitchen. She immediately looked to Misty, silently asking her to do something, anything.

"Uh, who wants ta have breakfast in bed?"

"I want to eat breakfast with Mom," Christie replied, Stephen nodding his head in agreement.

Myrtle looked nervously at Sara and then Cordelia, immediately registering the situation, "C'mon guys, let's go eat breakfast in bed. You know Momma never let's us do this and plus we can watch cartoons." The twins looked at each other momentarily, faces scrunched with consideration before they shrugged and agreed; the combination of cartoons and breakfast being almost too good to pass up. They hopped out of their seats, Myrtle trailing behind as Misty began to herd them out of the room. The swamp witch shot a look over her should to Cordelia, mouthing a silent "I love you." The kitchen cleared out quickly; the sound of scampering feet subsiding and leaving Sara and Cordelia in silence.

The Supreme coughed awkwardly, talking first to break the tension, "So, how did you sleep?"

Sara fidgeted with her hands before answering, " Not well. I was really anxious about... you know. Talking to you. I don't really know what to say except that I'm sorry." The younger witch squirmed in her seat, completely unsure of what direction the conversation would go in.

"Well, starting with sorry is good," Cordelia spoke evenly, " I mean, I'm sorry too. I was a lot like you when I was younger, believe it or not, and I should have noticed you struggling and I'm sorry that I didn't."

"No Mom, that's not your fault you know I was pushing you—"

"No Sara," Cordelia cut her daughter off. "I should have known and put my own needs aside like any good mother would do. I know that you don't really know about my mother because Fiona well, um." The older witch stammered, unable to find the words to describe the years of neglect and cruelty she had face from her mother. She took a deep breath, hating how, even after all these years, Fiona's name still left a sour taste in her mouth. Cordelia instinctively brought her hand up to her cheek, rubbing gently as if to soothe it from one of Fiona's brutal slaps.

"Um, Mom are you alright?" Sara's spoke cautiously, knowing that this was an extremely sensitive topic; Cordelia never talked about her mother and when she did it was only to tell the kids stories about Myrtle, her true mother.

"Yes." And she was alright, Fiona had no hold over her now; the monster who had ruled Cordelia's life for so long was nothing more than a mere life-lesson for her daughter. Cordelia cleared her throat before continuing, " As I was saying, Fiona was anything other than a mother to me. She was cruel and abandoned me. She would disappear for years at a time and whenever she was round she was abusive, hitting me and telling me I was worthless. I think that's enough talking about her, she doesn't deserve any more of our time."

The tone Cordelia spoke with was one Sara didn't recognize, bitterness nearly dripping from her mother's words. She immediately felt guilty, "Mom I'm sorry, I-I never knew, you never told me."

The Supreme silenced her with a gentle shake of her head, "That's besides the point. What I'm trying to say is that when I was younger I felt a lot of the same things you're feeling. I was depressed and angry and I felt like it was my fault that my mother never wanted to be around me. I spent nearly my entire life feeling that way and to know that I may have made you feel that way makes me feel a pain I cannot describe." Cordelia's posture was rigid as she spoke, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip attempting to keep her composure. " I did terrible things to make up for how insignificant my mother made me feel. I-I hurt myself in unimaginable ways," she slowly brought her shaking hands up to eyes, nearly able to feel the scars that used to be there, "And I know, that if I hadn't met your mother, I would not be here today."

Sara wanted to cry, to collapse into her mother's arms and beg forgiveness but she could only muster up two words. "I'm sorry," she croaked.

"No Sara. Stop apologizing, you've done enough of that. What you need to do is take responsibility for your actions. We both need to do that. What you have been doing is completely the wrong way to deal with how you're feeling. Being reckless isn't going to solve anything. You've been nothing but selfish."

Sara cringed, her skin crawling as her mother spoke. She had to look away, completely ashamed. The young witch wanted to run out of the room. Her mother's words permanently embedding themselves under her skin, making her want to scratch at her arms until the word "selfish" stopped bouncing around her brain. It hurt the most, not because it was coming from her mother, but because it was true. Sara was self-centered; she was tearing apart everything that Cordelia had built and fought for to give her children the life she never had. If Sara ever wanted things to get better she would have to change her ways. So rather than running, she sat, gripping the arm rest with white knuckles and ready to listen to anything Cordelia had to say.

"Acting out, driving and drinking. Not only did you put your life in danger, you risked the lives of innocent people on the road," Cordelia tried not to be too harsh but Sara had to understand what she was doing was wrong, "You haven't thought about anyone else except yourself and that needs to change. Sar, I love you so much and things may never be the same but that doesn't have to be negative. That means we can make them even better then they were before." Cordelia stood up, grabbing onto Sara's hand and pulling her out of her seat and into a hug. "I know I haven't been around but I'm going to try. It's going to be hard but I would do anything for you."

Sara cried into the hug, every pent up emotion flooding out. "Mom," she sobbed, tears spilling onto Cordelia's shirt, "I-I-I've d-done terrible things. What if I ruined everything?"

Cordelia rubbed circles into her back, shushing her gently, "Have done. You have done bad things, Sara. Not anymore. We are going to do this together. "


End file.
